Sunday, October 14, 2018


I am going to start by saying that nobody is perfect. One could work hard and achieve prefect test grades, take an awesome picture, or make the best decorations. But no one is completely perfect. Your favorite blogger, the neighbor with the immaculate lawn, the popular PTA mom, your boss, or your in-laws are not perfect. It only seems that they are prefect, because people only show what they want others to see.  

Perfectionism is a very negative habit. It can cause burnout and a slew of psychological issues including anxiety, feelings of inadequacies, and depression. Nothing should be more important than caring for yourself. Otherwise life becomes a chore rather than a journey. You should be motivated to improve yourself not obsess about everything. Perfectionism can make someone obsess over the tiniest details or procrastinate for fear of making mistakes. Either way very little gets accomplished.

While in school, I used to experience extreme shame and self-loathing if I only got an 90 on a test. Sometimes I would be upset for days because I wasn't smart enough to get an A+. Now looking back, it didn't matter. I passed. That was all that mattered. I have learned that in general, unless you are first it doesn't matter as long as you pass. I let go of the anxiety, stress, fatigue, and burnout that comes with trying to achieve perfection. I still try my hardest and strive for excellence, but I do not let a task become all consuming. There was a great sense of relief when I finally accepted that I did my best and that was all I could do.

So when you feel like you are failing, you are only human. There is only so much you can do in a day. And the sayings that "You have the same 24 hours as whatever celebrities" do not help anyone. Celebrities have personal assistants, agents, accountants, make-up artists, stylists, nannies, housekeepers, fitness trainers, and chefs. There is no way they would be able to accomplish all they do without a team. The only comparative competition you should have is with yourself.

Let the unrealistic expectation of perfectionism go and enjoy yourself more.
image from: pixabay

Sunday, October 7, 2018

10 Autumn Must Haves

I am so delighted that summer is over. I am not a hot weather person in the least. Autumn happens to be one of my favorite seasons. The cool temperatures, changing foliage, and of course my second favorite holiday Halloween.

This is the season to dress warmly and stylishly. Play with layers, wear snug footwear, and comfortably wear down hairstyles. There are certain items that are needed in the autumn wardrobe. My fashion style is rather preppy, so my autumn must haves are:

1. Booties
 • Cute ankle height boots. They work well with most outfits. Shoes: TOMS Leila Booties
2. Sweaters
 • Cooler temperatures require warmer clothing options. Cable sweater are a must in the autumn wardrobe. Clothing: Polo Ralph Lauren Cable Knit Sweater
3. Riding boots
 • Tall straight boots. Very comfortable, warm, and fashionable. Shoes: Sam Edelman Penny Riding Boots
4. Wellingtons
 • Tall colored rain boots are so cute. These are both functional and fashionable. I love to wear a vibrate pair of wellingtons with a neutral outfit to add a cute pop of color. Shoes: Hunter Wellingtons
5. Peacoat
 •  This is one of my favorite style of coats. The row of buttons. The fitted back with with a bottom flair. Outer wear: Burberry Peacoat

6. Vest
 • Another Autumn wardrobe must is the vest. Prefect for the cooling weather. And they pair well with cable sweaters, and duck boots. Clothing: J.Crew Excursion Vest
7. Capes
 • Prefect for days when it's not quite cold enough for a full coat. Wonderfully fashionable. I love the feminine silhouette they produce. Outer wear: Wool Checkered Cape
8. Duck boots
 • Prefect for cold rainy or snowy days. They pair well with skinny jeans. Shoes: L.L. Bean Duck Boots
9. Cute scarf
 • As the weather gets colder a scarf is a must. Bows and oversized scarves are my favorites. Accessories: Bernat Bow Scarf

10. Umbrella
 • Planning accessories is important. Nothing is cuter than a patterned umbrella or one that matches your coat or wellingtons. Accessory: Burberry Check Walking Umbrella
Do not let the change in the season cause your blues. This is the best time of year to show off your stylish. Grab a cup of hot chocolate, go shopping, and enjoy autumn to the fullest.

image from: pixabey

Sunday, September 30, 2018

A purse by any other name

A lady must have the perfect accessories. One of her most important will be her purse. Purses serve both fashion and function purposes. These can tie an outfit together or destroy the aesthetic look. Purse should complement an outfit. They are supposed to either match a color scheme or add to the pop of color. I prefer to have my purses be a neutral color so that I can use the same one for multiple outfits. I find that multiple purses cause clutter or waste of closet space. I would rather have a large clothing collection than multiple purses. Out of the general styles there are only four I think best suit the princessly style:

1. Satchel 
• These bag frequently have handles and a strap. I do not like how crossbody bags slice an outfit in half so I never use straps. They come in a variety of shapes. These bag can be made of soft material or structured. I personally find bags that hold their own shape better functionally and aesthetically. Bag: Ted Baker Bowsiia Bow Satchel
2. Tote
• These bags are larger than satchels. They have longer handles for the ability to wear on the shoulder if need be. These bags can also be soft of structured. They frequently do not have a zipper or clasp. The most popular shape is rectangular. Bag: Tory Burch Robinson Tote

3. Mini Duffle 
• Originally a large luggage bag, the mini duffle bag is great for function and fashion. These have two side straps. Duffles have a structured rectangular base with a curved dome top. Bag: Michael Kors Mercer Mini Duffle

4. Clutch 
• A tiny, event bag. Clutches come in a very large variety of shapes. They are generally used for formal occasions and dates because of the minimal space. While beautiful they are not practical for every day, causal wear. Bag: L.K.Bennett Clutch

In addition to styles and colors. I find purses with bows and hearts absolutely adorable. It was very disappointing several years ago when chains became a common accent. I also prefer purses that do not have large logos. Some of my favorite brands include kate spade, tory burch, michael kors, and prada. However, I refuse to buy tacky, logo oriented designs. My one weakness is the L.K. Bennett symbol with the four hearts though.

There are of course several other purse styles. Find the ones what work for you,

image from: pixabay

Sunday, September 23, 2018


Happiness, one of the world's more coveted goals. A subjective feeling that people will do anything to obtain. A trophy that always seems just out of reach. Or once achieved, it tries to escape like a frightened bird. 

In the past I was notorious for achieving happiness from completing a goal and then letting the feeling fizzle out. I would lose momentum and this would discourage me from achieving other goals. Over time I had developed some tricks or ideas on how to break this cycle. Below is what helped me. Hopefully one or two may help you.

1. You cannot achieve something from nothing.
• Happiness does not just happen. One cannot do nothing and just expect to be happy. I need to have a clear set of goals I want to work on. Achieving tasks on a To Do list gives me a great sense of accomplishment.  This year I have started identifying my long term goals and then separating them into smaller monthly tasks. Then I get the satisfaction of completing something each month that will build into the future I want.

2. Always change focus.
• Once happiness is obtained, what then? If I do not use the motivation from one accomplishment to drive me to work on the next task then my happiness wanes. I will fall into a rut and then it takes more time and effort to get back on track. I find that I can have small lulls in time, but I generally need to be working on something.

3. Material objects bring empty happiness.
• From years of dressing in Lolita fashion I have learned that buying a "dream dress" or highly sot after accessory only bring empty happiness. I would save up, stalk websites for release dates, and hunt through several auctions for particular items. Once they were finally in my possession, they would lose the magic I imagined it would bring me. I would wear the items once or twice and then it became just another piece in my wardrobe. I would then find a new dream item I just had to have. Stuff is not the answer to happiness. There is no real sense of accomplishment only bragging rights.

4. Fake it until you make it.
• When I find myself in a rut the only way to get out is going through the motions. Do the activities I know I usually love although they feel tedious at the time. Also getting up and moving helps. Exercise, meeting with friends, or just sitting on the porch for fresh air makes a big difference in my mood. Eventually the fake feelings turn into real happiness.

5. Don't be afraid to reach out.
• If I ever feel really down I reach out to someone. Family. Friends. Just sitting down and ranting can be cathartic. Everyone needs to vent from one time to another. If you every experience severe emotional turmoil, depression, and hopelessness please reach out to a professional. Counselors, social workers, groups, and physicians are there to connect and help you.

6. Be appreciative.
• Look around and actually see all that you have. Be thankful. Yes, no matter where you are in life there will always be people that have something better. But there will also be people that have it worse. Not that you should be comparing yourself to others. But you should appreciative that you have a bed to sleep in, clothes to wear, food to eat, and some sort of access to internet, otherwise you would not be unable to read this. If life's basic needs are met, then it should bring some sort of happiness.

7. Treat yourself.
• Take time to treat or pamper yourself. No one can be happy if they feel run down or neglected. Sometimes a good nap, a manicure, or a delicious treat can be motivating. Besides humans are hardwired to want to work after receiving a reward. I like to reward myself after completing extremely difficult tasks. It adds to my happiness and gives an extra little boost when starting on the next task. 

image from: pixabay

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Part one: Wightloss

Part one of getting back to myself is to deal with the years of neglect I had inflicted by abusing food. I completely admit that I am an idle and stress eater. When I was bored or in times of chaos/uncertainty I would munch on anything and everything. And of course the unhealthiest of snacks were my preference. This caused my weight to sky rocket. I would then loathe the way I looked and would eat my feelings. I thought why not eat more junk, I looked horrible anyway. The weight gain would cause me additional stress. And then I would eat to deal with that stress. It was a horrible cycle. One that I had been repeating since middle school.

June of this year I decided to finally put an end to this cycle of abuse. Yes, abuse is a hard word. But I feel that is what I was doing to myself. There was no reason to eat the way I had been. I was misusing food. Food is meant to nourish the body, give energy, and to be an occasional treat. I had been using food to keep myself occupied or as a distraction from a problem. Not any more. I was determined to treat food and by body the way they deserved. 

So far I have lost 28lbs. There are still so many more pounds to go, but I am celebrating every victory. I refuse to let boredom or stress drive me to overeat anymore. I also refuse to let my weight dictate how I feel about myself. I am not the number on the scale. I am not just made of rolls and cellulite. I am beautiful. I am loved. I have come to love myself and I am happy. I am a work in progress. I have concurred this vice and I am making my way back to myself. 

Nothing shows bravery like an after workout picture. Hair disheveled, shiny face, not posed, and oversized shirt. This shirt used to fit tightly. I have donated the larger size clothing that no longer fit. But I like to keep this to see how far I have come. Never again will I fit that size. Never again.

image from: pixbay